Do you believe in Hakadosh Baruch Hu?

Ostensibly, this is a silly question. If you're a religious Jew, then by definition you believe in God, even if you have doubts from time to time. You might even find the title of this post offensive. All good, except that you misunderstood my question.

I didn't ask if you believe God exists, I asked whether you believe in God. As in the same way one believes, lehavdil, in one's parents, one's friends. I mean the kind of deep, abiding, intimate trust and confidence that cements our important human relationships. You may answer that you believe in the ikarei emunah, sachar va'onesh and the like; that expecting a "human"-like relationship with God is childish and even heresy, much like this cartoonist's experience.

I see by your pensive expression that you're starting to understand my problem, and the problem of many in my generation. We see many of our parents who strictly adhere to all the practices and halachot. They go through all the right motions, say all the right answers. But the fire, the deep feeling of God's presence that permeates, say, the life of the authors of the Psalms, this is nowhere to be seen. They will object that it is enough, just "doing halakha". It's enough to go through the motions.

I respectfully but firmly dissent. Yirat Shamayim and Ahavat Shamayim are the cornerstones of Judaism, the fuel that helps give us the energy to hold fast and improve, to keep faith in times good and bad. Halakha is practice; it cannot last without the underlying emotional-spiritual bond with Hamakom. It's not enough to believe that he "is"; you have to want to want to believe "in" him. For the relationship to not slide into "just doing the motions" (Orthopraxy), you must change from the third person to the second person.

This is a dangerous and scary prospect to be sure. It would mean letting him in to a degree that will often feel uncomfortable; He will move from the corner of your mind to the center. It will also mean more painful confrontation, as must happen towards one we believe "in". Where were you during the Holocaust? Why have you not shown yourself and ended the assault on your sovereignty?

You retort that the older generation didn't have this problem, they simply did what their parents did. I think they're in denial about the truth. As Prof. Chayim Soloveitchik pointed out 15 years ago - the grandparents (or the great-grandparents) still possessed a natural and healthy amount of God presence to fuel their religiosity. Too many of the older generation - in America and in Israel - simply repeated the actions; the presence, the belief "in", the "spark" was completely gone.

Now that you seem to understand my problem, I ask again: do you believe in God?

In Defense of the Old "Burgeouis" Mafdal

The secular establishment pitied them. Everyone to their religious left and right - the Brisker Rav, the Religious Kibbutz, Yeshayahu Leibowitz and various major Rabannim - despised them. People like Ben Chorin hold them in contempt. They were too sanguine, too naive. They kow-towed to the secular establishment on virtually anything not related to religion, and even then they often backed down. One would think that there were no grounds to defend them or praise them, except for a few old-timers who still think pre-'67 was paradise.

All well and good, except that we owe Mafdal a great debt, one we can probably never repay. Put as bluntly as possible, the Mafdal saved moderate religious Jewry in Israel. Mosad HaRav Kook, the Mamlachti-Dati system and previous "religious stream" schools, the yeshivot tichoniyot and the yeshivot hesder - NONE of these would have been possible if it weren't for the Mizrachi's partnership with the secular Jewish Agency from the '30s onward.

It was the Mafdal that fought tooth and nail to ensure Mamad education across the country, and as flawed as the system was - there was no real alternative (Charedi education then being miniscule and anti-parnassa), except losing hundreds of thousands of religious or at least traditional Jews to total secularization. This system, which slowly improved over time, helped stem and turn back the massive tide of horadat kipa at the beginning of the state that made even Beni Akiva consider disbanding itself out of despair.

We live in a generation where it is possible to proudly display a kipa anywhere; a generation where it is possible to stop being afraid that religious Jewry will not survive another generation. It behooves us to show gratitude to our forbearers who insured this at a time when it wasn't so certain. For all their flaws, the old Mafdal did a great deal of good, and we should never forget that.

Don't Just Preach, Practice. Part II: Principled Halachic Kulas

I though I might delve into a very touchy subject that is often the bane of discussions of MO - halachic laxity and what is perceived to be laxity. Who hasn't heard the accusation that MO Jews follow "Rav Noach" (roughly: Rav whatever's comfortable) or that Mizrochnikim don't take halacha seriously? That we don't really learn Torah or have yirat shamayim?

Like any accusation, this one has a (small) grain of truth. As Rabbi Harry Maryles points out, many MO Jews, and RZ Jews as well, are MO-lite or at least not makpid on what they consider to be non-essential. Some of us don't make it to davening during the week, or even on Shabbat morning. Others may not always manage to keep the "lesser" fast days or learn Torah all that often. These and other cases are indeed usually due of laxness born of convenience.

However, many on the right mistakenly then make the logical leap that all or nearly all of the halachic kulas emanating from MO or RZ circles are due to laxness, rather than principled halachic hachra'ot. This is a false assumption. There are many psakim and positions which I believe principled MO Jews should keep even if and when they are mitchazek. These include the attitude towards secular studies, the attitude towards women (no excessive tzni'ut witch hunts, positive attitude towards women learning) and a welcoming attitude towards non-Orthodox Jews. Allow me give a small example from my own experience:

I work at a legal firm that is populated mostly by secular Jews. Every year at Chanukah time, they light candles in the lobby, and I have participated as the madlik. Now, if I were to consider this act from a strictly formal halachic viewpoint (i.e. the best way to do the mitzva), I would ostensibly be standing on shaky ground. The mitzva of hadlakat nerot is at home - even lighting in the shul was a dicey proposition, as it first appeared as an issue during the time of the Rishonim.

Rav Re'em HaCohen of Otniel Yeshiva was asked a similiar question, and decided based on the position of the Ritva and others, that since the main purpose of the mitzva is pisumei nisa, then lighting in a public place is a kiyum that requires a bracha. Granted, im kvar, it's preferable to do so in a shul, but one can rely on this shitta to be yotze. This is a clear-cut case of a principled halachic ruling, grounded in sources, to enable what is nothing less than a massive Kiddush Hashem among many Jews who might otherwise not participate at all in the mitzva. I am sure other people could point to other examples of this.

This is not "laxity" or "finding favor", but a principled stand in favor of kula in the name of a higher Jewish ideal. The time has long since past that we stop apologizing for these positions, and understand the "laxity" charge for the insidious half-truth that it is. If we are called on such a position, we should stand tall and say, "Yes, I am mekel in this because I am machmir in [fill in the principle]".

Addendum to My Post on Sex

Well, my post was intended to provoke response, and it certainly succeeded. Now that the dust has settled (a little) I will now take this opportunity to take stock of some of the main arguments placed against my attempt at a wake-up call.

One commenter by My Obiter Dicta complained about the post being coarse and that I should have gone about in a more "tsniusdig" fashion. My response in this case: forget it. For me, the message "say things in a more tsniusdig fashion" is a code term for either "shut up" or speak in tones so vague and sacharrine so as to be worthless. I cannot, in all honesty, do so. The hafrada and anti-sex craze has gotten to the point where I felt, and still feel, that only rattling the cages will get people to face uncomfortable facts. I very much feel like Peter Finch in the movie Network: "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!". I most certainly will not dumb down the problem so you can feel better.

A second argument that came up was that "the problem isn't so bad because I didn't personally see it". Apparently people who live in a society where sex, masturbation etc are issurim nevertheless discuss the issue openly and freely instead of hide it and feel irredeemable and worthless. The idea that becuase we don't see a problem in our community only works if we close our eyes to the truth. Consider the following story (available in the middle of this article):

Rav Yuval Sherlo has spent much time helping religious homosexuals deal with their problems of being such. Needless to say, this caused an outpouring of anger from the more right-wing elements. A prominent Rosh Yeshiva attacked him when he met him. Rav Sherlo then asked him if he has homosexuals in his yeshiva. The RY, of course vehemently denied the possibility - he didn't see it (sound familiar?). After obtaining their permission, Rav Sherlo revealed the names of four individuals learning in the yeshiva who are gay. The RY, shocked, now gives his full support to R. Sherlo for his efforts. If this is the case regarding a relatively rare phenomenon - homosexuality - how much more so when it comes to heterosexual intercourse and masturbation, the latter being very easy to hide?

OTOH, Shlomo did make a valid point when he pointed out that I didn't really make many suggestions for how to solve the problem. In my eagerness to raise questions, I didn't really think out the answers. Even the suggestion regarding the "post-Niddah" marital bliss is far from flawless. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but here are some tentative suggestions (commenters are more than invited to share their own):

1. Continue the trend begun at Yeshivot Bnei Akiva - giving a basic sex-ed course. People should know these things are not other-worldly and foreign but a natural part of life and calm the hell down. Anxiety will go down and so will the disgust. Students will learn that we are all just human begins not disease-carrying space alien devil creatures aiming to ensnare one another. Maybe people will also learn that there can be contact between genders without it immediately leading to sex.
2. The "zero-tolerance" Orthodox social policy for sexual sins has got to go. No more rants on the horrific evils of masturbation or treating women like the devil. No more seperating women unnecesarily or treating those who put on make-up or wear skirts a little too high as harlots. These will no more prevent sins than the constant diatribes said against Lashon Hara every second. All they will do is alienate those who struggle.
3. Corrolary (and the most important part): Take, and teach teshuva seriously. All too often I get the feeling that many Orthodox Jews belive teshuva is for halachic misdemeanors like forgetting to say ya'aleh veyavo or not having proper kavanah during Shofar blowing. More serious sins, meantime, are completely and irrevocably beyond the pale.

   Many young Jews who falter in these areas end up throwing everything out the window because their teachers become so shrill about how horrible their acts were. They then decide that it's hopeless and chuck the whole thing. Educators should instead spend time with their students, either individually or in class, and take a calmer approach. They should make it crystal clear that sins, even sexual ones, are not the end of the world; God himself waits even for the teshuva of (lehavdil) a rasha till his dying day.

   I recently read a beautiful example of such an attitude from a (gasp!) Charedi RM. A student of his confessed to having erred in this area (don't remember what exactly). The RM said that he will bear his burden and serve his sentence in Hell as long as he continues to learn (for us, this could mean continue to strive to be a good Jew). We would be remiss if we didn't have similiar loving attitudes towards our younger generation...

An answer to Hirhurim

Hirhurim, the closest thing the Orthodox Jewish world has to Instapundit, recently discussed the question of who has the theoretical halakhic authority to decide big isssues. While very nice in the abstract, this isn't how it works nowadays. Actual halakhic public policy increasingly resembles the following joke, several variations of which exist in these parts:

Halachic policy is decided by Rav Ovadia, whose people are afraid of

Rav Elyashiv, whose people are afraid of

the Rabbis of the Edah Hacharedit, all of whom are afraid of

Reb Nachum the zealot, who fears no Rabbinic authority and who screams from the rooftops against any minimal movement from the most extreme religious positions. Halachic policy is thus decided by the lunatics, not any actual gedolim.

Rational halachic policy will thus not emerge until both Rabbinic authorities and their entourage stop quivering in fear of people to their right. Until then, the lunatics will continue to run the asylum.

The Ultimate Taboo

Let's talk about sex. You heard me, sex. S-E-X. As in the physical and intimate connection between a man and a woman. Screwing. F&%^ing. Oral, Anal, Missionary style, it doesn't matter. The unspoken word, the great taboo, this is the most hated word in the Orthodox community (doesn't matter what part). Worse than kefira. Worse than avoda zara. The ultimate taboo that must never be spoken of, let alone crossed.

Anyone who wants to understand the hafrada craze that has been plaguing our communities for over thirty years must understand that it is considered part of a milhemet mitzva declared against…wait for it…sex. There, I said it. I guess I won't get maftir Yonah, but it was worth it.

In girl's schools, the main emphasis is on sex – God forbid girls should ever look half –way attractive so as to tempt the dreaded yetzer. Cover your sleeves, your calfs, your face. Don't put on make-up, or God forbid have a fashion sense more developed than an ant. Boys and girls should never meet, touch, converse. Girls may as well be from Venus the way we treat them as an other-wordly species. Tzeniyut? A code-word for protecting men from the evil girls, nothing more.

Our bodies (boys and girls)? Feh, disgusting, gashmiyut, hevlei ha'olam hazeh and yetzer hara (whatever happened to tzelem elokim?). We are all apparently wild beasts at once completely unable to control our urges and horrible, filthy things to be caged. Women in particular are taught extreme self-loathing, as though it was their fault that the human race needs to procreate through sex.

I've heard before that Judaism is not Christianity, with its emphasis on chastity and its extreme misogyny (Women=Devil and all that). I'm not convinced. At all. There is a huge and ever-expanding literature on covering women up, as well as declaring things like hotza'at zera lebatala to be the worst sin ever committed. The way we learn now, you'd think that holding a girl's hand was the equivalent of a wild night on the town. There is correspondingly very little about the positive aspects of sex when conducted be'heter (i.e. in wedlock).

Yes, yes, I know that the Torah and the Toshba have a much healthier attitude towards sex. They treated it, as, well, just a part of life, kind of like eating and sleeping. It was something that could be used for bad, as well as good purposes. Sex scenes and physical expressions of love abound in the Tanakh, and there are implicit and explicit discussions in Toshba, Gemara included.

Except that it's not what's in the sources, but how they are taught that counts. You want an example? Show of hands – how many people have learned Ketubot? Good. OK, how many people have ever wondered about the abundance of sexual references, discussions of sex frequency etc? Confusion. How many actually know what the Petach Patuach is referring to or shelo cedarka? Yeah, that's what I thought (no-one). Much more important to get bogged down in the minutiae of the R. Gamliel + R. Eliezer Vs. R. Yehoshua debates at the end of Perek Rishon (Spoiler: the former win, by rule of majority psak). Shi'urim discussing how sex is important as a tool of non-verbal intimacy in a couple or the other issues that come up in Ketubot? Not on your life.

And don't give me the peru u'rbu song and dance. Even the chumash never accepted the idea that sex is a purely functional act. I don't think anyone will seriously argue that the Avot, who are described as loving their wives very deeply, simply saw them as physical baby-making machines (e.g. the Duda'ei Re'uven story, Yitzhak taking Rivka back to her tent and being comforted for the death of his mother etc).

No less bad is seeing it simply as Mitzvat Onah. Again, a functional, legal obligation that can no doubt be circumvented by zealous Yeshiva bahurim more interested in solving a sugiya than making their wife happy (e.g. poresh before Rosh Hashanah). Said bahurim have apparently never learned the mitzvah in context, where it is clear that onah is merely a minimum requirement for Amot Ivriot, certainly not the maximum for fully married couples. I see no reason why it shouldn't be taught in the same context as tzedaka or chesed – there's a minimum requirement, but kol hamarbeh harei zeh meshubach (again, when permitted).

You want to change this problem? Start treating sex – sex, attraction, physical desire, not the euphemisms of "beino lebeina" or "bayit ne'eman beyisra'el" - as a natural phenomenon that needs to be channeled, not despised. Write about the joys of love and love-making – maybe learn about the Rabbis who wrote love poems from Making of a Godol. Maybe discuss how post-Niddah period should be a kind of anniversary, where both partners invest heavily in making it like their wedding night. Talk about how that two-week period should be a time of joy equivalent or greater than the previous two-week hell. You've got other ideas, please share.

You want to call it something else besides the s-word? Fine. Yedi'at ish et ishto should do. Ah, but won't this open a slippery slope where kids go out and have sex? I've got news for you – many of them already are. Many of them will continue to do so regardless of how many ridiculous humrot, giduffim and hafradot you idiots come up with. The difference is that with my suggested method, those who abstain, and those who err but come back will be part of a Judaism that teaches love of life and creation itself rather than its hatred, that seeks to temper and soften yetzarim as beautiful and delicate things rather than the debased animalism you keep seeing this as.