Be A Mentsch

We are now in the month of Elul, the month of self-reflection and teshuva. Hundreds, maybe thousands of shi'urim will be given in yeshivas, shuls, homes across the world about the 'need to change'. Pundits, religious and secular will soon be giving their opinion about what needs to be changed, though it's usually someone else - 'society-at-large', 'the government' - who need to do the changing.

Usually, this demand for change will be all-encompassing and immediate. Social Justice now. No road deaths now. No Loshon Hara now. Often terms like revolution will be used. It's as if nothing short of total change is enough.

Personally, I despise this attitude, regardless of its origin. For one thing, it's extremely unrealistic. It's the religious equivalent of telling someone who does some phycical exercise to do olympic-level sports at the drop of a hat. It's not just that people who try to undergo an "instant" revolution are doomed to failure. It's also the fact that many are likely to give up self-improvement altogether, since the benchmark, set at "perfect" or "near-perfect", is impossible to reach anyway.

There's something else, too. Nothing is easier in this world than to give 'society' musar without changing oneself. Talk is cheap, and the internet has made it even cheaper. There are few things I find more detestable than people who speak high-mindedly about humanity, human rights and human dignity, but who treat actual flesh and blood human beings horribly.

So when I read yet another pundit talking about how we need to inclucate "values" into society, I say let's try teaching our kids, and ourselves, to be mentsches first. All that high-minded talk about midos and kavod ha'adam is worse than worthless if kids won't give a seat to an elderly person on the bus, greet people besever panim yafot and at least try to refrain from hurting others. Ona'at Devarim (hurting someone else emotionally through hurtful words) is no less a lav than other sins.

It doesn't have to involve a great revolution either. The real test of whether one has really changed is in routine times, doing "routine" good acts or avoiding "routine" bad ones. Not during Elul or Tishrei, when everyone's on the spiritual mend, but during Tevet, Heshvan, and all those other "dull" months when it's easy to slip back into bad habits.

There's no need to change everything at once, either. My Ram's Ram had the best advice possible: change one thing during the year, and stick to it. It can be smiling when saying hello or thinking twice before saying something hurtful (especially if it's an attempt at frumkeit one-upsmanship). Maybe try to help people who look like they need help rather than walk by them thinking "it's someone else's problem".

Today, I saw a regular guy volunteer to offer his seat to an old man on the bus. No one asked or suggested to him to do so. To me, "little" acts like this contribute more to kavod ha'adam than all the lectures, articles and books written on the subject.

So please, before we go around trying to "repair" the world, let's try to make it liveable first.